2 B R 0 2 B by Kurt Vonnegut Jr. (narrativemagazine.com)
The story happens in the 2200s. No war, no diseases, no slums, no insane asylums, no poverty, no cripples. Mr. Wheling waits for his wife’s delivery. X-rays reveal she has triplets. He was young, 56. People go on living since there is no old age. One has to volunteer to die if a child needs to be born. The waiting room was being redecorated as a memorial to a man who volunteered to die. A 200 year old painter, who looks 35, depicts a mural of a garden he doesn’t like. An orderly comes in singing a song and marvels at the painting. It includes the faces of important people. Dr.Hitz, who founded the Ethical Sucide Studios, the Federal bureau of Termination, was one among them.
But the painter says the world is not the happy Garden of Life as is depicted in the picture, but rather a dirty drop cloth that is on the floor. The orderly says if he doesn’t like it here, he can call 2BR02B, the number of the federal bureau of termination.
The painter says if it’s time for him to go, it won’t be sheepdip meaning he will do it himself. The orderly says not to leave any mess to clean after him. The painter says the world could do well with a little mess. A formidable woman with facial hair, clad in purple walks in. She is Leora Duncan, who works in the FBT. She’s come to model for the painting. The painter finds a place next to Dr.Hitz. She is elated.
Dr.Hitz, 240, walks in as Leora was posing for her portrait. She says she is honored to be in the same mural. Dr.Hitz says the triplets have been born. She exclaims over the implications. The triplets need three volunteers if they were all to live. They had one, Wheeling’s maternal grandfather. Wheling is not very happy, since he has to pick one of the three children to live.
Dr. Hitz explains the benefits of population control and the ill effects experienced by over population 200 years earlier. Wheling says he wants all three of his children and his grandfather to live. Leora doesn’t like the doctor calling FBT the catbox. Dr. Hitz continues to explain the good things happening because of the arrangement. Suddenly Wheling draws a revolver and kills Dr.Hitz. “There is room for one,” he says. And kills leora, then himself, making room for all three of his children.
The painter ponders the mournful puzzle of life and its demands. He decides he’s had enough and takes Wheling’s pistol to kill himself. But he does not have the nerve. Then he calls the number 2BR02B and schedules an appointment for termination. The hostess replies, “ Thank you sir, the planet thanks you. The future generation thanks you.”
